The 10 weirdest things patients have done in the dental practice

You’ve probably got a whole practice full of perfectly nice, normal patients who behave predictably. But then there’s that one who is full of … surprises. 

Whether it’s something they said or something they did, these out-of-the-ordinary patients never cease to shock and amaze as they take outlandish to a whole new level. The upside? We’re left with some pretty unforgettable stories.

Other ridiculous stories: The top 16 worst dental patients ever

We polled you, our readers, for your tales of the patients that will always stick out in your memory-for the weirdest reasons. From the bizarre to the disgusting, the unbelievable to the hilarious, your anecdotes did not disappoint. Here are the weirdest of the strange stories that we compiled.

Continue to the next page to read the stories.

Polly want a dentist

I had a patient that used to bring her pet parrot to her appointments with her, stuffed into her bra and shirt. One time she was having a filling done and midway through the bird popped its head out and tried to bite me! We were quite surprised to see that bird had no feathers from the neck down.

The truth is out there

I had a patient that came in and we went through the entire appointment like normal. Then, at the end of the appointment, he dramatically handed me a magazine that had aliens on the cover. He warned that we were going to be taken over one day and that I should prepare myself. 

Morning constitutional

A patient called the dental practice demanding to get in ASAP, saying she had severe pain. We managed to squeeze her in, because she said it was an emergency. When she came in, I asked her where it hurt, but she said none of her teeth were sore at all.  I said, "But when you called you had pain." She looked at me strangely and said, "I did. My stomach hurt. But I've had two bowel movements since then. Can you start cleaning my teeth now?” 

Probe away

My very first patient told me I wasn't probing her hard enough because it wasn't hurting. She took the probe away from me and probed her own pockets to "show me how to do it right." It was insane. 

Bottom of the barrel

I was asking a female patient some medical history questions, and she proceeded to describe the parasitic skin infection she had been dealing with for many months-in graphic detail. She then jumped out of the chair, pulled her pants down and exposed her backside to me to show the evidence! NO WORDS.

No gloves, no dental love

I had a new patient come in, seemed like a nice guy. We chatted about his medical history, made some small talk. As I started to begin the exam, he suddenly stopped me. I asked him if there was a problem. He said in a seductive voice, “If I pay you, will you do the exam without gloves on? I think that would be really hot.” 

I kept the gloves on, and he didn't come back again. Good riddance.

What’s in a name? 

One day, right after I first started practicing, I was working on a mentally disabled patient who kept very politely calling me ma'am. I said, “Oh, you don't have to call me ma'am! That’s very kind of you though.” She responded cheerfully, “OK, bitch!” I couldn’t help but laugh, and said, “You know what, let's go back to ma'am.” 

Bird brained

I was cleaning a patient mandibular anterior linguals. She stopped me and told me that her daughter has a bird as a pet. I was thinking OK, random but cool, I guess-until she said the bird will take its beak and peck at her daughter’s teeth to remove her calculus. I was totally grossed out and changed the subject.

This will definitely bug you

I had a patient come in with a huge swollen jaw. We were obviously worried there was something very wrong. When we were ready to begin the exam, he took out his upper denture and there were roach eggs. Evidently, he had fallen asleep and a roach crawled in his mouth and laid eggs. 

We all skipped lunch that day.

Squeaky clean

I had a new patient come into the office for a cleaning. We were talking and he seemed very nice and smart. Once he opened and I saw how red his gums were I immediately asked what happened. He then proceeded to tell me a friend of his told him to whiten his teeth using Comet bathroom cleaner! 

He then told me he put it on his teeth but some got on his gums causing them to hurt and become red. But that wasn’t all; he had been pretty certain that that was not good, so he rinsed it all off and put more back onto his teeth, this time being extremely careful not to get any on his gums again. You know, since it hurt and made them red.